An Excerpt
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Looking back, I couldn't explain why any of it happened when asked "Why?" I still don't know why "I did that" because I didn't do that. I now wonder if I would have disclosed if the question was asked differently.
I don't intend to build a wall and keep everything important to myself, but that doesn't stop me from doing just that. Jason, my other half, mentioned last week that his cousin died. It was at that moment that I said, "Yeah, my cousin died also. We found out last week but he had passed away a few weeks earlier. He was homeless and overdosed so it took them a while to identify who he was to find his family."
Did I want to play "anything you can do?" Of course not. I had contemplated messaging him when I found out but he was at work. I considered saying it that evening when we had our time to talk. It just didn't seem like it would flow into a conversation nicely, which meant it would sound like I was making up a story about my cousin. I know that sounds stupid, and Jason would never think that about me, but it was probably just what I told myself to keep from talking about it.
With Bryan, no one ever said, "How did that happen? How do you feel about it or how does that make you feel? Walk me through it because that is crazy. How did you get from here to there?"
An Excerpt from my novel:
Nobody ever asked how it happened, or how I ended up over there, or any type of question that didn’t automatically accuse me of doing wrong. To this day, I’ve never been asked "how." I was only asked "why" like I was automatically assumed to be the one at the wheel. I wonder if I would have said something…like I just needed someone to ask me because otherwise, it would sound like a lie to just come out and say it. I do tend to back myself into corners so that I do what I need to do, but I can’t get it done until it’s the only option.